Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
