We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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