What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Randomize
