okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
