so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
