I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
