he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
