why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
