Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
