...so i touched it.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Randomize
