but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
50% drunk capacity currently
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Drunk is a universal language darling
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
