no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
well I can't set my house on fire every night
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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