I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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