I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
