he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
