new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
