I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
