Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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