matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
