Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
