Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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