I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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