I can tuck mytits in my pants
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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