I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Randomize
