There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
