We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
