hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
