singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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