I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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