She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
pray to the hookup gods
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
