I just threw up on my dentist
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Randomize
