Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
