hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
should my penis look like a turkey
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Randomize
