Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
