What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
It was confusing and full of hummus
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Randomize