So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
