She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
