this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
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At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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