the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
