How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
