i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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