Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
