Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Randomize
