she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
