You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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