Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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