Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
operation have a gay friend backfired
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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