Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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