when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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