Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
