happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
