I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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