i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
