i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
