he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
