We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
