I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
