it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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