there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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