Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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