i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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