i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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