I'm lost and stupid without you.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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