Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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