Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
