She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Randomize
