As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
