It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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