Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
