Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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