My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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