I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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