My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
