I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
the liver wants what the liver wants
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
