Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
