Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
